So there’s this custom among women, stop me if you’ve heard it, where we talk about all the things we’re going to do- and then we don’t do them.
Oh, you’ve heard of it? Maybe you’ve participated in this little ritual. I know I have.
Whether it’s out loud at your book club… “Ladies, this year I’m going to read all of the classics” or in your head “this month…no more sugar. I mean it this time!”
…yeah we all do it, and I’m having a problem with one tiny aspect.
Ready for it?
It’s not the things that go unaccomplished that have the negative effect. It’s the act of betraying your word to yourself that does the most harm.
What do I mean?
When you make a promise to someone you probably make sure you follow through. Your friend needs a ride to the airport? On it! Kids need you to make them a Dorothy costume for Halloween? You got it kiddo!
They rely on you, and you come through because these people matter to you. You care about them, and you value their trust. But what about coming through when you rely on yourself? *yeah, I know crickets*
So how do we give away all our power?
The fact that we don’t feel the same type of let down when we do it to ourselves is a disconnect that haunts me. The disconnect is that we don’t place value on our word to ourselves, and at the root of that…lacking in self worth.
When I read The Four Agreements many years ago (my very first personal development book *wipes away tear*) it talks about being impeccable with your word. It says:
“Through the word you express your creative power…The word is a force…The word is the most powerful tool you have as a human; it is the tool of magic.”
By taking power away from our word we are really taking away power from ourselves.
If you had a friend that kept saying they would do something with you and then always cancelled at the last minute would you still wanna hang out with her? Bigger question: Would you still respect her? Probs not.
Keeping your word to yourself is the most radical act of self respect you can commit.
I REPEAT… Keeping your word to yourself is the most radical act of self respect you can commit.
The little seed of self respect blossoms into self worth (do you feel you deserve to go after that promotion?), and finally to self love (do you deserve better than the guy that keeps putting down your intellect?).
SELF RESPECT…SLEF WORTH…SELF LOVE…it’s a cycle, they all feed into one another.
When you respect yourself enough you make conscious and loving decisions. When you know your worth you can expect more and let go of the things that don’t serve you. When you love yourself, well, you’ve got all the power in the universe, girlfriend.
How to practice this in real life…
The small action of keeping your word to yourself is like a skill. Once you stick with something you commit to, you learn what you are capable of, you learn that you actually CAN keep your promises to yourself. And that skill gets stronger.
It’s ok to start small.
If you want to run a marathon, decide how much you are willing to run each day (no matter how small) and then actually do what you said. When your brain learns that it’s normal to follow through on things, you’ll follow through on more things. You’ll accomplish what you want in your life, and you’ll start creating the life you want. The one you KNOW you deserve (oh hey, we’re back to self worth…see it’s a cycle).
The best goals are the ones you will actually keep. They are not the biggest, they are not the most impressive, they are the ones you won’t give up on.
So today, give this a try.
- Think of one thing you’ve been telling yourself you want to do, but haven’t actually done yet.
- Write down that goal, and WHY it’s important to you to accomplish it. Always start by knowing your WHY.
- Now make a MICRO-GOAL. Break it down into something you can so easily do because it’s just so freaking small you can’t NOT do it. Make it so itty bitty that it will take little to no will power to make it happen.
Here are some examples of Micro-goals:
- Read 2 pages of a book each day.
- Spend 5 minutes stretching before bed.
- Run for 10 minutes after work.
- Walk around the block one time every morning.
- List out 3 things you are grateful for.
Remember the important thing is not the goal itself, but that you make it so stinky’ easy that you do it with no will power necessary.
Got it?! Now make the promise to yourself knowing fully that you WILL keep your promises.
I love you!
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